


You Are My Arc Reactor

by deaded_blush



Series: Tumblr Prompts [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First "I love you", M/M, Makeup, Older Man/Younger Man, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter's POV, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 13:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15050315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deaded_blush/pseuds/deaded_blush
Summary: Prompt by anon:"i have a (sorta fluffy, maybe?, depending on how you wanna write it!) prompt if you're still taking them! what about peter and tony's first "i love you"? <3"OR: Tony wants to leave Peter for his own good, Peter tries to make him stay by saying the L words but accidentally makes it even worse. But Peter's definitely not giving up.





	You Are My Arc Reactor

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyy, long time no see (i have a lot of excuses but i have a feeling like none of them is worth your time) so I straight up just apologize. SORRY guys *hides in shame*
> 
> I have a [TUMBLR](https://blush-reincarnated.tumblr.com/) now and I've got some nice prompts so figured out I could post them as a collection.
> 
> ENJOY!!! ^^

What does it mean to have an arc reactor? Peter thought he knew. When Tony said they needed to end whatever it was between them, Peter thought, in his naive mind, that saying it would prevent Tony from leaving. He never told Tony that he loves him, mostly because the phrase seemed too much of a cliché. Too common for someone as special as Tony.

So he thought of something better, something romantic... Something epic that would make Tony freeze in his tracks, turn around in a slow-motion-worthy manner and kiss him hard. Like in the movies. Therefore Peter's blood runs cold when that's not what happens. Instead, Tony looks over his shoulder with a bitter smile.

"You have no idea what that means, kid."

And with that, Tony Stark walks away from Peter's life and he's too shocked to stop him. He's too busy gripping on the chair just as hard as his mind’s gripping on the memories of the last few weeks. Because the sound of the door slamming shut seals his fate. He's sentenced to the life without Tony's touches and fond words and it almost feels like he's just awakened. Like all of this was just a dream... Almost? Scratch that, it _DOES_ feel exactly that way.

Peter doesn't notice the wood cracking under his fingers at first. He's staring at the door, hoping Tony would walk in any moment now but it stays closed. Somehow, the door seems bigger. And heavier. Like it's made of titanium instead of softwood. Peter thinks even if Tony wanted to, he wouldn't be able to open it. Peter fears he's not strong enough to break through them neither.

"Come back..." It escapes his lips without knowing as he closes eyes and the dam of his tears is finally broken.

They spill in a rush and if nothing else, at least they feel real. They tell Peter that even though Tony walked away, there was a time when he was loved and wanted. Once... His love was requited.

Peter jumps as the splinter pierces his finger, the chair breaks under his grip. Later that night, he needs to explain to May why they have one chair less. The story about him using it to reach for the top shelf and get cookies, being clumsy and falling, seems believable enough to stop her from asking. Peter reassures her it has nothing to do with him losing Stark Internship.

So what does it mean to have an arc reactor? Peter thought he knew. He said it to impress Tony. To make his first _"I love you"_ more personal. In Peter's eyes, it meant _"You're my heart"_. However, that's probably too sappy for someone like Tony Stark. And he can't really blame him. 

He realizes Tony's mood for romance probably died in Siberia. Peter hoped he could bring it back in him though. That he could help him heal and instead, not only he made Tony feel like he was doing something wrong by giving in to Peter's awkward flirting but he chased him away.

Peter needs to be smarter. He needs to think this through, he shouldn't have said it in such a hurry. Should have given Tony some time to think as well. He knows a simple _“I love you”_ isn't going to fix his _“You're my arc reactor”_ fiasco. It's definitely not going to repair this entire mess. But at least, Peter knows what to do... Or so he hopes.

He needs to show Tony that his feelings aren’t just his hormones running crazy. Not some kind of temporary madness. Not just a crush he can grow out of with time and definitely not a hero worship. Peter needs to show him that he knows what it means to have an arc reactor. And with that hollow feeling in the middle of his chest, he might be on a good way to finding out.

* * *

It turns out Peter was right. He was on a good way. He wishes he could take a less painful path to the enlightenment but the pain IS part of having the arc reactor. He knows that now. And it feels like he has one at the moment.

Somehow, the breathing has become more difficult. The void in his chest aches with more intensity and prevents his lungs from taking in the required amount of air. They just won't expand the way Peter needs. The anguish just won't wear off.

But he knows the only solution to his troubled soul is the sleeping man in front of him. Tony should have known better than to leave his balcony opened but in this case, Peter's not complaining. Although he can't blame Tony for thinking Peter wasn't planning to sneak in and try to get him back. After all, it has been a month since the last time they've seen each other.

Peter tried to call him, text him, find out how he was doing. When Tony didn't respond to any of his attempts for contact, he tried through Happy. He tried through Pepper. That turned out to be just as vain as the rest of his pursue. Happy was annoyed and Pepper hated him beyond words. She probably knew about what happened. At least Peter hoped so because the idea of Tony dealing with this all alone was making his stomach shift with a cold sensation.

Peter wanted to make it right but he couldn't go and see Tony without knowing exactly what to say. He wanted to be one-hundred percent sure he knew the meaning of the words that filled his life with Tony's absence.

So he thought about this a lot. Each memory hurt more than previous one, each thought of Tony's beard on his skin and calloused fingers in his hair threw him into a spiral of agony. Every time he touched himself and the second he came down from his orgasm, the reality of being alone punched him in the guts so hard he just couldn't stop crying.

Without Tony, not only he felt alone like never before but he was left to his heightened senses with no one to take care of them. To help him forget, to tune it down, to make the noise go away... All that with the knowledge he disappointed his mentor... He wasn't exaggerating if he said it was a pure suffering. However, tonight is his chance for redemption.

Peter takes off his Spider-man mask and walks closer to Tony's bed inaudibly. He takes a deep breath, placing one knee on the edge of the bed and his eyes are permanently fixated on Tony's face. 

He can't help but feel sorrow at the way his face seems troubled even while he sleeps. Even though this should be the only time Tony's face is completely peaceful, he seems haunted... By the same ghosts that crawl in the shadows of Peter's room, maybe? Could it be it hurts him just as much as it hurts Peter?

_Time to find out..._

"Tony... Tony..."

Even though Peter whispers it, the silence of Tony's bedroom makes it sound like a screech. And Tony definitely acts as if Peter screamed instead of called out his name softly. He sits up with a gasp, eyes wide open and trying to make sense of Peter's face in the dim light of the lamp standing outside the facility.

"Shhh, hey, it's me... It's Pet-" Peter doesn't get to finish what he wants to say.

He was positive he was supposed to be the one to show Tony how he feels but it seems like tonight holds surprises for both of them. Before Peter knows, he's wrapped in Tony's arms and the older man shows no intentions of letting go any time soon.

" _Fuck..._ " Tony chokes out and Peter feels his eyes water.

Not. What. He. Expected.

He grips onto Tony's shoulders as his fingertips brush against the fabric of his tank top.

" _Fuck..._ " Peter almost sobs against his chest, his grip tightens.

He feels his cheek burning, getting wet from the tears and presses it harder against the arc reactor in Tony's chest.

_Arc Reactor. Right. Focus, Parker. You've got this._

"Tony, I... I know what it means to have-"

"No, shut up. I don't care if you do," Tony breathes against his hair, it sends shivers down Peter's spine, "I'm sorry, kid... I... I ain't strong enough to let you go... Not now."

"Then don't," Peter replies immediately.

“I wanted you back, I just... Thought you were over this already...”

The confession makes Peter’s heart skip a beat. Although it hurts, he pulls away from Tony's arms to look him in the eyes. Seeing them glisten goes right through him like a spear and deprives him of any ability to speak. Because it just hits him.

Yes, he had some speech prepared but right now, it feels like he realized what it really means to have an arc reactor. Now he truly and completely understands those words and he never meant them more than he does right now.

"The arc reactor helps your heart to keep beating. The arc reactor is something you never asked for but you're grateful to have it," Peter starts, just following his instincts and his great speech is out of the window.

It doesn't really matter because he feels Tony tense against him, he sees the sparkle of disbelief in Tony's dark eyes. If it's a good or bad, Peter's not sure.

"It hurts to have it. It can be annoying. It can make you hate yourself just as much as it can make you hate it. But you could never... _EVER_ , live without it. You need it. With everything you have. You just... You need it..."

"Kid..." The whisper makes Peter look down instead of keeping his eyes on Tony.

He feels like it wasn't enough, he feels like he was overthinking it again. Peter's just about to apologize when the familiar thumb turns the skin of his cheek into flames. Peter's eyes snap up again and he can't stop the involuntary reflex to part his lips in a gasp.

"You... _**are**_ my arc reactor then."

All Peter can reply is a relieved moan right into Tony's mouth because the older man is kissing him like he wants to repair a month of neglection with his lips. Obviously, they both have suffered a great deal during that period.

"Do you get it now?" Peter sobs after he pulls back to breathe and hides in Tony's chest, his arms refuse to let go of his regained love.

"Ya, kid. I get it." Tony breathes out heavily.

It sounds like the pieces of thick concrete are falling off his lungs and he can breathe again. Peter can relate. He's going through the exact same sensation.

"Took you long enough to get it through your skull for a genius," Peter complains and even though Tony chuckles, he can hear it's filled with regret.

"Just don't try to be smarter than me next time." Tony kisses the top of Peter's head, rubbing his back with circular motions that always get Peter to relax.

"I love you."

Tony's grip tightens on Peter, "Love you too, kid."

**Author's Note:**

> Shameless Starker fluff later.  
> Thanks for reading and don't forget to leave a comment, keyboard smashing is always welcome! ♥  
> *hugs and love*


End file.
